The campaign began with a simple stream-friendly system built around Brawn, Finesse, and Vibes. Actions used a d20, weapons dealt mostly flat damage, and every character started with 2 GP and a few strange belongings. The opening party was Ark the bartender, Cameron the Wizard, Davidee the dual-axe Baker, Anthony the completely ordinary unarmed man, User14 the spear-and-shield Warrior, Miranda the BBL Doctor, and Lillian—also called Lilly—the sword-wielding Warrior. Their later character sheets show how those simple beginnings developed into full D&D classes.
Inside the rundown waterfront tavern, Ark guarded the good liquor in an all-black bartender’s outfit and a black Bulls cap. Cameron played poker against a sweaty goblin who was dealing from the bottom of the deck. Davidee drank quietly at the bar, Anthony watched the dancer and bard, User14 arm-wrestled a half-orc for silver, Miranda watched the room with her questionable medical supplies, and Lilly arrived carrying a sword and a pocketful of seasoning salt.
When Cameron caught the cheat, the goblin flipped the table and drew a rusty shiv. Cameron rolled 13 and blasted through the overturned table, burning the goblin down from 4 HP to 2. Miranda rolled 18 and, in keeping with her posterior-only medical restriction, made a precise scalpel incision across the burning goblin’s backside for 1 damage. Davidee finished the last hit point with a roll of 19 and a synchronized cross-chop from both axes, then claimed the rusty shiv.
Lilly searched the corpse, found roughly 3 CP, bit into its charred shoulder, and announced that it tasted like burnt chicken. Ark emerged with a broom and declared, “Absolutely not in my establishment!” He demanded a 5 GP sanitation fee, but Lilly’s 16 convinced him to accept a much smaller payment and a promise that the health inspector would hear nothing about it.
The goblin’s three half-orc companions retaliated. A thrown barstool struck Cameron after his disastrous dodge roll of 2. Davidee drank an invisibility potion. User14 left his arm-wrestling match, drew his spear and shield, then immediately rolled 3, slipped in ale, and buried the spear in a support pillar. Lilly’s intimidation roll of 2 failed when she choked on goblin gristle, but she recovered by rolling 12 and forcing that gristle into a half-orc’s throat, costing it its next action.
Another half-orc prepared to crush Cameron with a stool. Anthony’s attempted rescue also failed, leaving both men tangled on the floor, but User14 rolled 12 on Provoke and drew the attacker away with a shield-banging challenge. Davidee’s invisible charge missed, yet his axes cut the half-orc’s belt and dropped its trousers. Miranda seized the suddenly valid target, missed her BBL injection, and sprayed numbing solution into Anthony’s eyes instead. She later flushed it away with BBL anti-venom, kissed his forehead, and gave him 1 temporary HP through emotional support.
Anthony shouted “For the squad!” and rolled 4, but his fall accidentally pinned the pantsless half-orc’s legs. Lilly stepped over him, rolled 17, and decapitated the half-orc with one horizontal sword stroke. The last half-orc fled through the front entrance, tearing the screen door from its hinges. The party’s pursuit was a complete failure: everyone fell over one another, Miranda scattered her supplies, and Lilly slid five feet into the muddy street on her backside while the survivor escaped screaming about a cannibal warrior and a BBL surgeon.
Ark counted approximately 12 GP in fire, blood, broken furniture, structural damage, and sanitation. Lilly tried to hang the headless half-orc in the doorway using its trousers. Miranda answered the bill with a successful, surgically precise wedgie on Ark. Anthony rolled a natural 1 trying to make Davidee pay. Cameron finally offered 3 GP, rolled 14 against Ark’s 10, and convinced the exhausted bartender that it was better than receiving nothing.
The group completed its first Long Rest in Ark’s lodging area. HP returned to full, Cameron recovered from the chair, Anthony’s face regained feeling, Davidee’s invisibility was gone, User14 recovered his spear, and Miranda reorganized her supplies. Anthony placed chairs between himself, Lilly, and the “invisible coward” Davidee before going to sleep. By morning, the party had survived its first night together and already built a reputation for spectacular public destruction.
Canon note: The Screaming Vault never happened. It was a discarded proposal. The true campaign begins here, at The Stumbling Goblin, before the Pier 4, Blackwing, and Crowned Serpent events. Lillian has no surname.
